Headmaster Read online

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “I understand,” he said, having experienced the same thing. “How long did it last, before?”

  “A few months.”

  Obviously, it wasn’t anything she wanted to continue to talk about. Normally, he would share in that thought, but this morning he had something he needed to ask her about. Something he’d been tossing around in his mind for quite a while, but wasn’t sure how to broach.

  “I need . . . I would like your opinion on something.” He balled his fist, as a way to get through the pain of talking about her.

  “Really?” She snorted. “That’s a new one. I don’t remember you ever needing my opinion on anything before.”

  Ouch.

  “That’s because I’ve never done anything related to her,” he said.

  “She has a name, you know.” Anger flashed in her eyes briefly. “Do you ever say it or even think it, or is she always just her to you?”

  Her question took him aback. As he thought about it, he realized he hardly ever did say her name. In fact, the only time he could remember recently that he said it was in the hospital, after Andie’s boating accident.

  “I say it,” he said. “Sometimes, though, it hurts too much.”

  “I think it’s like a Band-Aid, just rip it off and do it. Eventually, it’ll get easier and easier.”

  But he didn’t want it to get easier. He needed the pain, he welcomed the pain. The pain reminded him of what he had done, it never let him forget. He had never been able to explain that to his therapist, so he doubted he could get Marie to understand either.

  “I’ll try. I promise.”

  That seemed to make her happy or at least she didn’t have the anger in her eyes anymore.

  “So what did you want to ask me?”

  He took a deep breath. “The cottage on Cannon Beach? I’ve wondered for a long time what to do with it. Should I sell it? Rent it out?” He shook his head. “I’ve been at a total loss as to what to do with the property. But I think I know, and I want your opinion.”

  Next to him, she had been the person closest to Winnie. In many ways, she was actually the closest person to her. Winnie had been an only child and both of her parents had died when she was a teenager. Marie had been a close friend since they were young. He wondered what secrets Marie had that she’d never shared.

  “You have an idea for the property?” she asked.

  “Yes. I can’t sell it. I know that much. And I don’t want to rent it out. I just can’t imagine anybody else living there. I’m not going to live there. But it seems a waste to have such a nice piece of property sit empty.”

  The entire time he’d been talking, Marie had been nodding along with him. In agreement with everything he had said. He wished it was lighter outside, so he could see her expression when he finished what he was going to say.

  “I thought, maybe, I could turn it into something for the community, an art center. With classes and courses for anyone of any age and at any level. Maybe even have an art gallery. I don’t know. It could have her name, that way it’d be like she was giving back to the community.”

  Marie was silent. He wasn’t even sure she had moved a muscle since he’d started talking. The silence grew to be too much, so he rushed on.

  “I know it would take a lot of work and I’d have to hire staff. I’m here all the time, so I couldn’t oversee it. But I think . . . I think it could work. The property would need some restoration and renovation. It’s been sitting empty for too long.” He took a deep breath. “So that’s it. That’s what I was thinking.”

  Again, nothing except complete silence from Marie. She hated the idea. She must. Why else would she just be sitting there, saying nothing?

  “If you don’t think it’s a good idea or if you can think of something else to do with the property . . .”

  She sniffled. Very quietly, but it was definitely a sniffle.

  “Marie?” he whispered.

  And then it wasn’t a sniffle, but a full-fledged sob. He wasn’t sure why she was crying. He hated it when she cried. Did that mean she hated the idea?

  He cleared his throat to say something, but he forgot what it was, because the next thing he knew, Marie had launched herself out of her chair and was practically in his lap, wrapping her arms around him.

  “Lennox,” she said. “It’s the most perfect idea. I love it and I know Winnie would have loved it, too.”

  She liked it? That’s why she was crying? But no, now that he knew she liked it, he could hear the smile in her sobs. And with her practically in his lap with her arms around him, it was the most natural thing in the world to return her hug.

  It’d been too long since he’d held a woman. Sure, he had danced at the end-of-session balls a few times, but that was structured and in a public setting. Plus, it normally involved students. Marie was not a student, and though they were outside where anyone could see them, he was pretty sure they were the only two people awake on the island at the moment.

  Most importantly, there was nothing the least bit structured about the way his hand moved up her back so he could tangle his fingers in her hair. Or the way he dropped his head to her neck in order to smell her skin.

  And pressing his lips to the spot just under her ear, to see if she’d tremble? Definitely not structured. Though by that time, he didn’t care because she had trembled at his kiss and he wanted to make her do it again.

  In the back of his mind, he told himself this was Marie and he’d kept his distance from her for all these years for a reason. He just couldn’t remember what those reasons were at the moment. Not when she was so soft and inviting. He pulled back for a minute, but didn’t release her hair. He couldn’t. It was so silky, and it’d been so long since he’d had his fingers buried in a woman’s hair.

  She stared at him with a dazed look, but he saw the hunger she couldn’t hide and he knew she wanted this just as much as he did. His gaze dropped to her lips, so full. What would they taste like? For years, he’d refused to think about her lips, because he knew as soon as he did, he’d have to taste them.

  She gave a slight whimper as he lowered his head. He wondered if she’d been curious about how he tasted, too. He told himself it would only be a quick kiss. Just a small sample to satisfy his need for her.

  But as soon as their lips touched, any thoughts of a quick kiss disappeared. She pulled him close and he palmed her back, while keeping her in place with the hand in her hair. His last kiss had been with Winnie and kissing her was nothing like kissing Marie.

  Winnie had been refined and controlled, and toward the end, she didn’t even want to kiss. Marie was her polar opposite. She kissed as if she’d never have another kiss and she wanted this one to be enough to last forever.

  She teased him with her tongue and moaned when he parted his lips to deepen the kiss. He was vaguely aware of her hands clasping him tightly, but he didn’t care because in that moment, he never wanted to let her go.

  Kissing Marie was better than any fantasy he could have imagined and she tasted sweeter than anything he had a right to experience. She shifted to get closer and, in doing so, she pressed against his erection.

  And with that one touch, every reason he’d ever had for keeping Marie at arms length fell on him with the weight of a fifty-pound rock. She was everything he could never have, and to be kissing her the way he was gave her the wrong impression.

  He pulled back, amid her protests.

  “Marie, we can’t.”

  “I think we just did.”

  He moved her off his lap and onto her feet. “Then we can’t do it again.”

  “Tell me why.” She spoke softly, and he hated the hint of hurt in her voice. “Why we can’t when it’s obvious we both want it.”

  Because of a million reasons, he wanted to say. But how could he explain that he could never be the Dom she needed? If he knew one thing after working with Marie for all these years, he knew she would never be satisfied without kink.
In a bitter and ironic twist, it mirrored his relationship with Winnie, and that had proven that no good could come from trying to become something you’re not.

  “Because it won’t work,” he said. “That’s why. We might be happy for a bit, but it wouldn’t last.”

  Already, he could sense her shutting herself off. She pulled her coat tighter around her body. “You don’t know that. You can’t know that unless we try.”

  “I’m not going to try with you, Marie.”

  “Because I’m not good enough?”

  He saw the pain in her eyes and it ripped a hole in his chest. Though he couldn’t give her everything she wanted, he knew in this, he could give her the truth.

  “No, because I can’t lose you, too.”

  • • •

  MARIELA WATCHED IN shock as Lennox stood up and walked back to the academy building. Her fingers drifted to her lips and she knew if she concentrated enough, she would still be able to feel his lips against hers. Over the years, she’d wondered what his kiss would be like. Though she’d imagined it hard and demanding, it was so much more. His lips had been strong and insistent as they moved with hers. With his kiss, he’d claimed her, even if only for that second. Kissing Lennox had been better than she’d imagined it would be, and for one small moment, she’d allowed herself to think that they might actually have a chance.

  That was the bad thing about hope. When life kicked your ass and you knew you were a fool to think something better might happen.

  Yet as she watched him disappear into the early morning fog, hope refused to die. Because as much as it hurt when he walked away, she’d been in his arms, she’d felt the heat of his embrace, and the desire in his kiss. She now knew that no matter what he said, he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

  And that was the good thing about hope.

  She looked at her watch and waited for ten minutes before returning to the academy. On the off chance that anyone was up this early, she didn’t want any rumors about her and Lennox. Heaven only knew how much that might set him back. As it was, she probably needed to have a chat with Andie to see if they needed to change their seduction plan.

  A noise from behind her caught her attention and she turned to see what it was. Not too far from the docks was the island’s lighthouse where Fulton lived. It seemed as if Andie had spent the night and was heading over to the main building to start on breakfast. Mariela watched as Andie kissed her Dom good-bye, and when she turned toward her, Mariela waved to catch her attention.

  Andie said something to Fulton over her shoulder and he nodded, keeping an eye on her until she caught up with Mariela.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and move in with him?” Mariela asked when Andie fell into step beside her. “Don’t you spend every night there anyway?”

  “Only the ones that he doesn’t spend with me.” Andie shot her a smile. “We’ve talked about it. I’m thinking I might move into the lighthouse after the first of the year.”

  They walked in silence for a short while until Andie spoke.

  “You’re up and out a little early, aren’t you?” She looked Mariela’s way when she didn’t answer right away. “Oh my god. Are you blushing?”

  Mariela felt her cheeks heat and she knew she was. “Probably.”

  “Probably, my ass. Tell me. Tell me everything.”

  Mariela took a deep breath and told Andie everything about what had just happened with Lennox. She didn’t leave anything out, partly, she thought, because talking about it made it seem more real.

  When she finished, Andie had a wicked gleam in her eye. “It’s time to put the first stage of the plan into motion.”

  • • •

  BY MIDMORNING, LENNOX gave up all pretense of work. He didn’t know what he was thinking anyway—had he actually believed he would get anything accomplished after kissing Marie?

  He’d listened for her footsteps out in the hallway to alert him that she’d made it inside, and was disappointed when they didn’t come. Eventually, he went into the dining hall and discovered she’d been in the kitchen talking with Andie. He didn’t want her to see him watching her, so he took his breakfast back to his office and ate there alone.

  Unable to work and tired of pretending, he decided to take a boat and go off the island to the cabin. He could start making plans for what he needed to do in order to convert it. Plus, it had been a few months since he’d last visited. It probably needed a good cleaning. He really wanted to ask Marie to accompany him, but he knew that probably wasn’t a good idea after the kiss.

  “Boss?” Fulton asked from the doorway.

  “Master Matthews,” he said, ready to get his mind on something else. “What can I help you with?”

  Fulton looked a bit apprehensive. “I wouldn’t ask you, but there’s no one else.”

  Dread started to seep into his veins. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but if Fulton was concerned, he was worried.

  Fulton stepped inside and closed the office door behind him. “The students are going to be running through an impact scene. We’ve already gone through it a few times, so they don’t need instruction, just someone in authority to be in the room. I’ve had an urgent issue come up at the lighthouse and it has to be dealt with now.”

  “And Master Nader?”

  “He had that doctor’s appointment to take his mother to.”

  That’s right, Lennox remembered when he’d asked him if it was okay to take the day off. “I assume Andie is too busy with lunch?”

  Fulton nodded. “And not that I don’t trust her, but it’s not a responsibility I want to place on her just yet.”

  “And Marie?”

  “I asked her first, but she has a conference call scheduled.”

  “And she can’t reschedule?”

  “I did ask that, Sir. But she said this was a supplier for the Holiday Ball and she’d been trying to get on this guy’s calendar for a month and she’d reschedule as long as I agreed to personally cut down and arrange all the greenery and flowers.” Fulton winced. “I thought I’d ask you first because I suck at that floral shit.”

  Lennox almost told Fulton to reschedule the session, but he stopped himself. He was the fucking headmaster of a BDSM academy. Surely he could watch a session just to make sure no one got hurt. Couldn’t he?

  “You know what?” the other man said. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just cancel and reschedule.”

  He sighed. “No. I’ll do it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. What time?”

  “Thank you, Sir,” Fulton looked greatly relieved. “I appreciate it. Dungeon classroom B at eleven. It’ll run until noon. I usually give a time check about halfway through. Thank you again.”

  Christ, the way Fulton was thanking him, it was like Lennox had agreed to give him a kidney. Was it really such a big deal that he observe a scene? He tried to recall the last scene he’d witnessed and he was shocked to find he couldn’t remember.

  He waved Fulton away and tried not to notice how the thought of even just watching a scene excited him. A glance at the clock told him he had thirty minutes before he had to head down to the dungeons. It had been months since the last time he went into one of the dungeons.

  It had been the night of the anniversary of Winnie’s death and he’d gotten drunk off his ass, like he did every year. Except this year he’d decided to add fuel to the fire and visit the dungeon level. Why he did it, he still couldn’t really figure out. It was one of those things that only made sense when you were drunk.

  He also remembered Marie finding him, and he’d been rude to her. He ran his fingers through his hair. Why that woman put up with him, he’d never know. She had to be a saint. Even more so, how was it possible she still seemed to want him after he’d been so boorish for so long?

  He pushed back from his chair and decided to head down to the dungeons early. To acclimate himself. He walked past Marie’s office, but the door was closed. Maybe her call had started.

/>   Once he made it down the stairs, he entered the class dungeon with a bit of trepidation. He wasn’t ignorant of the things said about him or his lack of participation. Hopefully, his presence wouldn’t be a distraction to the students or his instructors.

  Before the students arrived, he walked through the space, reacquainting himself with where the first-aid supplies were, and he made sure an area had been set up for aftercare. He was pleased but not surprised that Fulton had everything in order.

  “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know anyone was here.”

  He turned at the sound of the feminine voice and found one of the students standing naked in the doorway. Actually, standing wasn’t the right word. Posing might be more accurate.

  Her name was Susan. She’d applied to the academy several times in the past, but he’d never offered her an invitation for enrollment before this term. Her application indicated she’d done